How to Kiss That A-Holio Good-Bye

Photography by Kevin Kobos

“A-holio!”  You’ve heard the term many ways: Arsehole, Asshole, A-hole, Asswipe, Asshat, bungholios, adult bullies, but, for this article, I’m going to stick with the term “A-holio,” because I know you are dealing with an asshole somewhere in your life and why not add a little Beavis and Butthead humor. Butt, I might say “asshole” a few times in this article, just for more shits and giggles. Oh, I guess I’m supposed to give you a trigger warning for my foul language. So, I’m sorry in advance if you are offended.  Just stop right here and don’t read anymore.

Let’s break some stuff down and define what an A-holio is. An A-holio is someone you should never be. In fact, an A-holio is the worst type of person you can be in society. An “asshole,” in other words, is someone who feels he or she is always entitled and thinks the rules do not apply to him or her. Assholes want to control others because they think they are the best and that everyone else should bow down to them. A-holios are pretty much spoiled brat kids who never grew up and will constantly strategize and mindfully be crafty to get what they want because they’ve never learned to deal with real life or personal responsibility or to just settle with what they’ve got! If you are an asshole, you are a big part of the reason society and relationships have problems.  

Let me get this straight: There’s a difference between people who exhibit A-holio behavior and people WHO ARE PURE ASSHOLES. Everyone has probably cut the line in a grocery store (intentionally or unintentionally) without saying you are sorry, but the difference is that an asshole would never question his or her own entitled behavior. An asshole lacks a conscience. A-holios have been taught an at early age that the world revolves around them. As they get older (and even before they turn into teenagers), they formulate, manipulate, and create sociopathic-narcissistic strategies to get what they want, a.k.a. diabolical craftiness which is intended to hurt others to gain control, and will always blame others for their own problems; this is often seen in administration, in perpetuating of parental alienation, and in spoiled brat syndrome. They will often utilize harsh criticism or try and find something “wrong” with someone, even the most miniscule thing, like labeling someone as stupid because he or she didn’t go to an Ivy league college, or that an employee didn’t follow policy guidelines on “properly” reporting an incident, therefore automatically disqualifying the employee’s concerning matter.  The A-holio uses this delusional bait to justify entitlement and maltreatment towards that person.
Assholes are typically very judgmental people who get off on their self-righteousness by categorizing everyone else as “inappropriate” or “not right with God.” A lot of times, assholes are good at masking their agendas by exhibiting being “picture perfect” through appearing innocent in society; i.e, through church, or materially showing off with their money (that they may have never personally earned). But, sometimes, assholes can’t help themselves and are just plain out A-holios in public.

Assholes are experts in psychological abuse and will often turn the problem around on you. (This article explains more on Asshole techniques).

Assholes are not limited to one social or demographic group. They are everywhere. All of us know that A-holios can be part of your family unit (ex-spouses and children included), your boss/manager/colleague, your neighbor, and unfortunately most of the time are the head-honcho greedy business and political bullies we love to hate.  

If you suspect someone is an Asshole, he or she will typically respond with the question, “Do you know who I am?” The controlling, negative energy that stems from being an asshole literally makes society sick, and the emotional trauma (PTSD in a lot of cases) has everlasting effects in preyed upon victims.

FYI, I am not worried that an A-holio will “take offense” from reading this article because a true asshole would never question if he or she was an asshole! So, I get a free social justice warrior pass on this!  Yay me!

SO, HOW CAN YOU KISS THAT A-HOLIO GOOD-BYE?

1)  Know how asshole (sociopathic) behavior works. This is the first key to strategizing your escape plan.  Know that A-holios have agendas that DO NOT benefit you, no matter how hard they try to convince you otherwise. A-holios typically have masterminds to control others and know who to prey upon. Assholes typically prey upon who they perceive as vulnerable and nice, self-conscious, and giving people because most of the time, the “peon” will give a reaction (this could be a forced apology, forced temper, forced giving in, forced explanation, etc.) out of fear of losing something, like his/her mother’s love, his/her job, his/her acceptance, etc.  

2) DO NOT GIVE ANY SENSE OF REACTION, BUT GIVE RESPONSE! Assholes LOVE A REACTION because it gives them bait, and it gives them someone else to blame. It ultimately gives them the control and something to use against you so they can cover up their own insecurities! A-holios are NOT LOOKING for a discussion and NOT LOOKING to work something out; they are only looking for something to use against you!

If you are the type of person who is defensive or want to talk things out, be careful. I’ve been in situations where I’ve given assholes my time, only for it to be used against me. Never respond back with a question.  This ONLY gives them more room to try to glorify their self-righteousness.

The BEST RESPONSE to use against a bully is SILENCE and NOT GIVING A REACTION! I know this is hard because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins. But, this allows you the CHOICE to channel your energy in the healthiest way you see fit. I mean, you are NEVER GOING TO WIN with an A-holio, so why waste your energy on him or her? Do not feed them.

3)  FIND YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE. Because you didn’t give the A-holio what he/she wanted, or you’re just plain out tired of being exposed to that asshole, this gives you the chance to focus your energy on where you can find an escape route that won’t inflame the situation. Sometimes, this silence alone will put the asshole in his or her own place. This is typically the best weapon against the A-holio. For more inflammatory situations, make sure you document everything, especially if you are planning to take legal action. While you know YOU ARE INNOCENT, you still need to prove your innocence. If it means you have to leave a job, then do it with a backup plan ready.

Remember what assholes do.  Assholes know how to gaslight you to try and get away with their own bad behavior. They ARE skilled at manipulating people, even the judge, Human Resources, or the police.  

You always have a choice on how to deal with A-holios, so always ask yourself what is more beneficial to your own mental health. It’s not like you are going to win with an asshole, so why try and please him or her? You AREN’T going to lose if you walk away or disengage to take care of yourself. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Up Your Ability.

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